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political reversal.
Pleasure Centeredness. Another common center, closely allied with possessions, is that of fun and
pleasure. We live in a world where instant gratification is available and encouraged. Television and
movies are major influences in increasing people's expectations. They graphically portray what other
people have and can do in living the life of ease and "fun."
But while the glitter of pleasure-centered lifestyles is graphically portrayed, the natural result of
such lifestyles -- the impact on the inner person, on productivity, on relationships -- is seldom
accurately seen.
Innocent pleasures in moderation can provide relaxation for the body and mind and can foster
family and other relationships. But pleasure, per se, offers no deep, lasting satisfaction or sense of
fulfillment. The pleasure-centered person, too soon bored with each succeeding level of "fun,"
constantly cries for more and more. So the next new pleasure has to be bigger and better, more
exciting, with a bigger "high." A person in this state becomes almost entirely narcissistic, interpreting all
of life in terms of the pleasure it provides to the self here and now.
Too many vacations that last too long, too many movies, too much TV, too much video game
playing -- too much undisciplined leisure time in which a person continually takes the course of least
resistance -- gradually wastes a life. It ensures that a person's capacities stay dormant, that talents
remain undeveloped, that the mind and spirit become lethargic and that the heart is unfulfilled.
Where is the security, the guidance, the wisdom, and the power? At the low end of the continuum, in
the pleasure of a fleeting moment.
Malcom Muggeridge writes "A Twentieth-Century Testimony":
When I look back on my life nowadays, which I sometimes do, what strikes me most forcibly about
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
it is that what seemed at the time most significant and seductive, seems now most futile and absurd.
For instance, success in all of its various guises; being known and being praised; ostensible pleasures,
like acquiring money or seducing women, or traveling, going to and fro in the world and up and down
in it like Satan, explaining and experiencing whatever Vanity Fair has to offer.
In retrospect, all these exercises in self-gratification seem pure fantasy, what Pascal called, "licking
the earth."
Friend/Enemy Centeredness. Young people are particularly, though certainly not exclusively,
susceptible to becoming friend-centered. Acceptance and belonging to a peer group can become
almost supremely important. The distorted and ever-changing social mirror becomes the source for
the four life-support factors, creating a high degree of dependence on the fluctuating moods, feelings,
attitudes, and behavior of others.
Friend centeredness can also focus exclusively on one person, taking on some of the dimensions of
marriage. The emotional dependence on one individual, the escalating need/conflict spiral, and the
resulting negative interactions can grow out of friend centeredness.
And what about putting an enemy at the center of one's life? Most people would never think of it,
and probably no one would ever do it consciously. Nevertheless, enemy centering is very common,
particularly when there is frequent interaction between people who are in real conflict. When
someone feels he has been unjustly dealt with by an emotionally or socially significant person, it is very
easy for him to become preoccupied with the injustice and make the other person the center of his life.
Rather than proactively leading his own life, the enemy-centered person is counterdependently reacting
to the behavior and attitudes of a perceived enemy.
One friend of mine who taught at a university became very distraught because of the weaknesses of
a particular administrator with whom he had a negative relationship. He allowed himself to think
about the man constantly until eventually it became an obsession. It so preoccupied him that it
affected the quality of his relationships with his family, his church, and his working associates. He
finally came to the conclusion that he had to leave the university and accept a teaching appointment
somewhere else.
"Wouldn't you really prefer to teach at this university, if the man were not here?" I asked him.
"Yes, I would," he responded. "But as long as he is here, then my staying is too disruptive to
everything in life. I have to go.
"Why have you made this administrator the center of your life?" I asked him.
He was shocked by the question. He denied it. But I pointed out to him that he was allowing one
individual and his weaknesses to distort his entire map of life, to undermine his faith and the quality of
his relationships with his loved ones.
He finally admitted that this individual had had such an impact on him, but he denied that he
himself had made all these choices. He attributed the responsibility for the unhappy situation to the
administrator. He, himself, he declared, was not responsible.
As we talked, little by little, he came to realize that he was indeed responsible, but that because he
did not handle this responsibility well, he was being irresponsible.
Many divorced people fall into a similar pattern. They are still consumed with anger and bitterness
and self-justification regarding an ex-spouse. In a negative sense, psychologically they are still
married -- they each need the weaknesses of the former partner to justify their accusations.
Many "older" children go through life either secretly or openly hating their parents. They blame
them for past abuses, neglect, or favoritism and they center their adult life on that hatred, living out the
reactive, justifying script that accompanies it.
The individual who is friend- or enemy-centered has no intrinsic security. Feelings of self-worth
are volatile, a function of the emotional state or behavior of other people. Guidance comes from the
person's perception of how others will respond, and wisdom is limited by the social lens or by an
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
enemy-centered paranoia. The individual has no power. Other people are pulling the strings.
Church Centeredness. I believe that almost anyone who is seriously involved in any church will
recognize that churchgoing is not synonymous with personal spirituality. There are some people who
get so busy in church worship and projects that they become insensitive to the pressing human needs
that surround them, contradicting the very precepts they profess to believe deeply. There are others
who attend church less frequently or not at all but whose attitudes and behavior reflect a more genuine
centering in the principles of the basic Judeo-Christian ethic.
Having participated throughout my life in organized church and community service groups, I have
found that attending church does not necessarily mean living the principles taught in those meetings.
You can be active in a church but inactive in its gospel.
In the church-centered life, image or appearance can become a person's dominant consideration,
leading to hypocrisy that undermines personal security and intrinsic worth. Guidance comes from a
social conscience, and the church-centered person tends to label others artificially in terms of "active,"
"inactive," "liberal," "orthodox," or "conservative."
Because the church is a formal organization made up of policies, programs, practices, and people, it
cannot by itself give a person any deep, permanent security or sense of intrinsic worth. Living the
principles taught by the church can do this, but the organization alone cannot. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]