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covering her body. The expression on her face looked exactly how he felt.
Defeated.
"This is it, isn't it?" Bella asked.
Edward didn't answer as he sluggishly crossed the room and sat next to her. They
remained silent as minutes passed. He kept his gaze down, avoiding the girl.
"Lie down?" he said finally. It came out as a question. Bella didn't argue or resist
him. She simply sank back onto the bed.
He hovered over her body and focused on the artery in her neck. This could be
over so quickly if he stayed focused. If he could just bite, if he could just not drink
the blood. The smooth, warm, delicious blood. She smelled so good.
Bella watched his pupils dilate, covering the darkening gold of his eyes in pitch
black. It was too familiar of a scene. Her heartbeat picked up as she recalled the
multiple times he had bitten her the fear, the pain, the horrible ways he had
treated her throughout the week.
"Wait!" she cried in a panic. "Wait, wait, wait!"
Edward pulled away, and his surroundings came back into focus. His memory
from the past minute was fuzzy at best. It didn't leave him with much confidence
in his control. "What is it?"
"Do you have a plan?" Bella was terrified. She didn't want to be a vampire, but
more importantly, she didn't want to die.
"A plan?"
"Yeah, you said you needed to use more venom. Do you know how much? Can you
just, like, use a lot? Is it possible to OD?" She rattled off the questions quickly.
Edward hid his smile. The girl was observant. It was one of the many things he
liked about her. "I have a plan."
"What is it? I'm sorry, I just " She took a deep, shaky breath. "I want to know
what to expect."
"I can't control the flow of venom; it's similar to salivating," Edward said quietly.
"But I'm positive I can introduce enough into your bloodstream as long as I don't
drink." He placed his hand on the girl's chest and pressed gently. The steady beat
of her heart offered him comfort. "Carlisle told me to place multiple bites, but . . ."
"But?"
"I think I can get away with one, as long as I can keep it open."
Bella didn't know what that entailed, but she didn't want to hear any more. The
mere thought of her broken skin nauseated her. "What's it gonna be like?"
"You already know how it will feel," he answered. Bella whimpered as she
remembered the fire that consumed her body the one time he bit and didn't drink.
"How long will it take?"
"I honestly can't say. It's different for everyone. Alice is so tiny hers
transformation was over in a day. Emmett's took nearly a week." When Bella's jaw
dropped, Edward was quick to soothe her anxiety. "But Emmett is huge and his
injuries were horrific. I'm sure yours won't take nearly as long."
"How long did it last for you?"
Edward winced as his own change came to mind. "I'm not entirely sure. A few
days? I don't think the time matters when it's actually happening; it feels like an
eternity."
"That's not helping!" Bella shouted.
"I'm sorry." The words felt foreign on his tongue. He had never done so much
apologizing in one day. "I'm not sure what to tell you. I don't recall specifics about
my own change. It's part of my human memories, which have long since faded. As
for the others . . . well, it was too difficult for me to witness theirs." He tapped his
temple. Bella nodded but didn't seem any more at ease. "I won't leave you, though.
Even if the barrier comes down and I have to experience everything with you, I'll
stay by your side the entire time. Sometimes . . ." Edward struggled with how much
to tell her.
"What? Tell me, please."
"Sometimes it's hard not to get lost," he said carefully. "If you can't see me, if you
can't hear me . . . try to remember you're not alone."
"It gets that bad?" She couldn't imagine anything worse than what she had already
experienced.
"It's bad, but it ends."
"Don't stop!"
"Pardon?"
"If you give in to your desires. If you start drinking, don't stop," she clarified. "I
can't go through this again. I'd rather be dead."
"No," he said firmly. "I won't kill "
"Promise me! Promise me that this is the end. You'll either change me or kill me."
Edward hesitated. He didn't want to think about losing control, and he didn't want
the idea in his head to keep going if he did. It was a promise he didn't want to
make, but like before, he found himself agreeing because it was what the girl
wanted.
"This is the end," he said grimly. "I promise." He dropped his head and rested his
forehead against hers. Her skin was hot and covered with a light sheen of sweat.
The scent of her fear lingered in the air, fueling Edward's instincts. It took
everything he had to keep the monster inside him at bay.
Bella tentatively placed her hands on Edward's shoulders. She would do
everything in her power to relax him and remind him that she was a person, not a
meal. He melted into her warm touch.
"Stay with me," he pleaded one last time.
"Let me stay human and I will."
A high-pitched whine came from Edward. Even at the last moment, she wasn't
giving in. "So where does that leave us?"
"I believe it's called an impasse," Bella said as she fought back tears.
For a moment, Edward closed his eyes and allowed himself to really think of what
life would be like if he had to go on living without her. It didn't matter whether he
killed her, she left, or he let her go the outcome would be the same. He would be
alone, or at least that's how it would feel. She wouldn't be there to talk to. She
wouldn't challenge him any longer. He'd never feel her touch again, never receive
her comfort. The opportunity to win her over would be gone. Surprisingly having
to live in a world where he could hear everyone's deepest, darkest thoughts
wasn't what concerned him the most. For the first time, he acknowledged that he
wouldn't be upset if her power stopped working as long as he could keep her.
Bella felt the tears slide down her cheeks, but it wasn't until the wet trails started
tingling that she realized they weren't hers. She looked up at Edward. His brows
were furrowed, and his eyelashes were darkened with moisture. She gently
smoothed out the crease between his eyebrows with her thumb. Trapped tears
streamed from his eyes once he opened them.
Edward looked at the girl, completely in awe of the emotions she invoked in him.
She brushed her fingers beneath his eyes, sweeping away the tears. With a shaky
hand, Edward grabbed her wrist and stared disbelieving at the tiny drops of
venom on her fingertips. He wiped them off quickly before pinning her arm
against her side. Bella's breaths became shallow as the weight of his body pressed
down on her.
"Close your eyes," he whispered.
Bella didn't hesitate to comply, and she waited in nervous anticipation. She felt
him press a kiss to her cheek. Then her jaw. Then her lips. Edward continued on a
path down her chin and across her neck until he came to the kaleidoscopic of
purple, green, and yellow where the other bites had been placed.
It will all be over soon, he thought. This will be the last time. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]