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I walked down the corridor, past closed stateroom doors, heading towards the
rear of the ship where I could figure out where everything was. I reached the
end of the corridor and found a diagram of the ship, a sort of you
are here
"
"
thing, and again had to strain, as it was fully eighteen inches higher on the
wall than the top of my head.
Nerves suddenly started to get the better of me, and I realized now that this
was going to be something new, something I hadnt given any thought to until
'
now. Id made it but that fact gave me little comfort. Everything I had done up
'
to this point was borne of necessity and desperation, but now I was
re-entering society as someone totally different, someone I didnt even know. I
was a small, '
prepubescent Indian girl now to everyone else, and I knew that I would have to
be that person, act like her, react like her, to be both accepted
and incon-spicuous.
Id ridden the ferry on the way up from Seattle to Juneau, but somehow the
'
ship seemed to have doubled in both size and scale, even though
this was a smaller ship. Everything, I was discovering, looked larger than
life. Nowhere was this brought home more forcefully to me than when I met my
first human beings close up. How much we forget of what its like to be a child
in an adults world!
'
'
How gigantic the ordinary-sized adults look from four feet or less and perhaps
sixty plus pounds.
Aft a bit I saw two illuminated plastic signs that said MEN and
MENS
'
SHOWERS, and I almost went in until I realized that those signs, which Id been
'
so condi-tioned to look for, were now the wrong ones for me. I walked back up,
crossed through an intersecting corri-dor to the other side of the ship, and
went into the women's john.
Although hardly a baby, I was so tiny and thin that I almost slipped into the
toilet, and my legs barely touched the floor. Still, the relief was the
same or more so, since there seemed even more pressure now.
I had some problem with the latch to the shower too high again but
managed to get in and close the door. A dressing room and two stalls. I looked
around and found a tiny bit of somebodys leftover soap. Not much,
but it
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'
would have to do. I undressed and, using the dressing room mirror, looked at
my new self for the first time. How thin, frail, almost fragile I looked, with
ribs you could count and a waist almost impossibly small. My
reddish-brown complexion did a lot to hide the many bruises I had,
but the aid was only cosmetic they told me now constantly that they were
there. The scrape from falling from the truck looked and felt nasty, but Id
had worse and itd stopped
'
'
bleeding.
It took several tries before I got a good hold on the water handles, but the
shower felt good and the soap helped loosen the grime, wilderness pee, blood
and whatever else had accumulated, and I felt my new body tingle
with the warmth and the spray. I had no shampoo, but my long hair
was already wet because I couldnt reach up far enough to adjust the shower
nozzle and I rinsed
'
it as best I could.
It wasnt until I was reluctantly through that I real-ized I had no towel, so I
'
had to stand there in the dressing room letting myself drip-dry as
good as possi-ble, while wringing my hair out again and again. I hadnt had
much hair for
'
a number of years, and never as much as this, and I hadnt really realized
just
'
how saturated it could get. As I was doing all this I heard the distant sound
of the ships air horn, felt the slight en-gine tremble accelerate, and
realized that we
'
were un-der way.
I got back into my clothes, still slightly wet. They clung, but it wasnt so
bad, '
and all but my hair was dry in minutes. The hair would be a major problem, I
real-ized now. Before, I hadnt given much thought to womens long
hair, but
'
'
now I saw that its care and manage-ment was a major skill needing tools.
I remained there a moment, thinking of what I should do next. Get something to
eat, certainly, and, if the ships store was open, maybe pick up a couple of
'
things Id need. Then head for the lounge and try and get some sleep. Id need
all
'
'
I could get for the days ahead.
The diagram said there was a cafeteria in the rear upper deck, so that was the
first place to go. I went out on deck hoping that the wind would help blow-dry
my hair, which currently seemed to resemble a tangled and sticky
wet black mop.
It was raw-cold, suddenly, and extremely windy. The wetness of the marine
climate was all over and went right through you. Away from the shelter of the
moun-tains, the weather was rough even for July. Still, while I was aware that
it was cold, made particularly so by the wind, it didnt really affect me as
much, '
while before Id had to have a sheepskin-lined parka if it dropped
to fifty
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